Impulse control games for kids you can play at home

What impulse control is and how it grows with age

Developmental psychologist Adele Diamond describes self-control as resisting temptations and not acting impulsively. Together with working memory and mental flexibility, it belongs to the executive functions, the skills we use to steer our own behavior (Diamond 2013).

Diamond sums it up in a line many parents will recognize: errors of impulsivity are errors of not being able to wait. Your child shouts the answer before the question is finished. They grab their sister’s toy. They hit back before they have had a chance to think.

This skill matures slowly. It keeps developing through childhood and is still maturing in the teenage years (Diamond 2013). A preschooler who reaches for candy at the checkout is acting their age. Expecting adult patience from a six-year-old usually ends in disappointment, and children notice that disappointment.

The day matters too. According to Diamond, executive functions suffer first and most when someone is stressed, sad, lonely, short on sleep or not physically fit. If your child melts down faster in the evening than in the morning, that fits this finding well.

Why yelling doesn’t teach self-control

When a child interrupts, shoves or knocks something over, yelling is the fastest reaction. It rarely changes what happens next time. The American Academy of Pediatrics says that physical punishment does not work well to correct a child’s behavior, and that the same holds true for yelling at or shaming a child (AAP, HealthyChildren.org).

Stress plays a part here as well. If stress weakens the brakes, a loud scolding makes it harder for your child to pull themselves together in that moment. That doesn’t mean anything goes. The limit stays; what changes is your tone and your timing.

The AAP suggests clear, consistent rules and specific praise for what your child does well. Name the behavior rather than labeling the child: “You took his car. Please give it back.” instead of “You’re impossible.” Practice happens in calm moments anyway, not in the middle of a conflict, and most easily through play.

Stop-and-go and opposite games: what studies show

In stop-and-go games, your child has to freeze a movement mid-action. In opposite games, they have to hold back the obvious answer and give a different one. Both practice the exact moment of catching the first impulse.

A review of programs for children ages 4 to 12 found two things in common across very different approaches, from games and sports to school curricula: children practiced regularly, and the tasks kept getting harder. Children who started with the most difficulty gained the most (Diamond & Lee 2011).

Several studies looked at a preschool program of circle time, music and movement games, including a version of Red Light, Green Light. The results are mixed:

In the US, children showed gains in self-regulation after eight weeks (Schmitt et al. 2015).
A later study found only a trend for the whole group, which was not statistically clear. The gains were measurable in children who started with low self-regulation (McClelland et al. 2019).
In Kenya, the same program showed no effect (Willoughby et al. 2021).

A critical review tempers expectations. People get better at what they practice, and that improvement transfers only narrowly to other skills (Diamond & Ling 2016). A child who plays Simon Says every day gets better at Simon Says. None of these studies tells you whether that means less whining at the grocery store.

In practice, stop-and-go and opposite games are time together in which your child practices braking, and most kids enjoy them. They are not therapy, and they don’t replace your support in everyday life.

Impulse control games for kids to play at home

These games need little or no material and take just a few minutes. Start with one that suits your child’s age and mood.

In Simon Says, your child only follows a command that starts with “Simon says.” If you say “Hands up!” without Simon, the hands stay down. Your child has to catch the strong urge to join in anyway.

In Red Light, Green Light, your child moves on “green” and freezes like a statue on “red.” A hallway is enough space. With only two signals, even three-year-olds can play.

In The Opposite Game, your child always does the exact opposite of what you say. You say “stand up,” they sit down. You say “loud,” they whisper.

In Wrong Color, you call out a color and your child points to the other color that goes with it, not the one you named. There is a printable sheet for it. For younger kids, try Tap the Color: you call a color, and your child taps it with the matching hand.

With Statue Poses, your child holds a simple pose for five calm breaths. For many kids, holding still is the hardest kind of braking, so it works well as a closing round.

You’ll find more games that combine paying attention and stopping yourself in our attention activities for kids.

How to make the games harder, step by step

Once your child has mastered a game, it barely challenges their brakes anymore. In several studies of computer memory games, children who played the same games without rising difficulty did not make the same gains (Diamond & Lee 2011). The preschool program with the stop-and-go games also gets more complex level by level, for example by asking children to respond to a signal with its opposite (McClelland et al. 2019).

Start slow: in Red Light, Green Light, stretch out “reeeed” so your child has time to stop.
Speed up: give commands faster and make the pauses between them unpredictable.
Tempt them: in Simon Says, do the movement yourself even when Simon didn’t say so.
Flip the rule: now green means freeze and red means go. Once that works, switch rules in the middle of a round.
Swap roles: your child gives the commands and checks whether you react correctly.

Move up a level only when the current one mostly works. If it gets too hard, step back without comment. End with a round your child is sure to get right, and stop while it’s still fun.

Waiting, interrupting, anger: what to say in everyday life

In a game, everyone knows a stop is coming. In daily life, impulses show up without warning. Having a few phrases ready makes it easier for you to stay calm.

When your child has to wait: Diamond describes how even young children do better on tasks when adults help them wait a moment. Adults make self-control easier by putting temptations out of sight (Diamond 2013). You can do that for your child: cookies go in the cupboard, the tablet goes in a drawer.

“You really want it right now. Let’s count to ten together, then it’s your turn.”
“You can look at it. Touching comes after we pay.”
“Shoes first, then the playground.”

When your child interrupts: a child with something to tell you wants to get it out before it slips away. A set signal takes the pressure off. Your child puts a hand on your arm, you place your hand on theirs, and they know their turn is coming.

“Put your hand on my arm. As soon as I’m done, I’ll listen to you.”
“Thanks for waiting. Go ahead and tell me.”

When your child is angry: once they are boiling over, it’s not the time for explanations. The AAP advises parents who feel out of control to make sure their child is safe, take a moment to breathe and calm down, and then start over (AAP, HealthyChildren.org).

“You’re really angry. Hitting is not okay. I’ll stay with you until you feel calmer.”
“Let’s breathe together. I’ll go first.”
Later, when everyone is calm: “What made you so angry earlier? What could you do next time?”

When to get help

Almost every child interrupts, shoves or has a tantrum now and then. The CDC notes that it is normal for children to have trouble focusing and behaving at one time or another (CDC). Talk to your pediatrician if any of these apply to your child:

The difficulties have lasted for many months and show up both at home and at school or daycare.
Your child keeps putting themselves in danger by acting without thinking, for example near traffic.
They are losing friends or are upset by their own outbursts.
You are worried, even if you can’t quite put your finger on why.

According to the CDC, the first step if you are concerned about ADHD is to talk with a healthcare provider, and there is no single test for it. Your pediatrician can refer you to a specialist if needed. For information and parent support groups, CHADD is a good place to start.

You won’t find a self-diagnosis checklist here, on purpose. Impulsive behavior has many possible causes, from tiredness and overload to worries a child can’t put into words. The games in this article are practice and time together, not treatment.

Matching exercises

Frequently asked questions

At what age can kids control their impulses?

Young children can already wait briefly when the task is simple. But the skill keeps growing throughout childhood and continues to mature into the teenage years (Diamond 2013). There is no fixed age by which a child should have it down. Compare your child with themselves a few months ago rather than with other kids.

Is poor impulse control a sign of ADHD?

Not automatically. Many children act impulsively, especially when they are tired, hungry or excited. Only a professional can tell after a thorough evaluation whether ADHD is behind it. If you are unsure, your pediatrician is the first person to ask.

What are good impulse control games for 3 year olds?

For the youngest, Red Light, Green Light works well because there are only two signals and plenty of movement. From around four, Simon Says and Tap the Color fit, and from five, The Opposite Game and Wrong Color. These are rough guides. Your child will show you what works.

How often should we play?

Short and regular beats long and rare. One or two games a day for a few minutes each is plenty. The preschool program in the studies ran for eight weeks with two sessions a week, though in whole classrooms (McClelland et al. 2019).