Breathing exercises for kids: three they will actually do

Why “take a deep breath” rarely lands

Almost every parent has said it, and almost every child tunes it out. For a child, “take a deep breath” is a vague request that leaves open how long, how deep and what for. And it usually comes at the exact moment your child is already worked up and can't really listen.

Kids join in more easily when they can see, touch or act something out. A finger moving along a line gives the breath a rhythm. A candle that needs blowing out shows, without words, that the air goes out slowly and for a long time. A game also has a clear end, and many kids are more willing to start something when they know it will be over soon.

The three exercises below build on that idea. Each takes only a few minutes and needs almost no material. It works best when you do it with your child instead of giving instructions from the side.

Three breathing exercises for kids that they will join

At the table: In Shape Breathing, your child draws a square or a lazy eight on a sheet of paper. Then they trace it slowly with one finger and breathe along with it, in on one stretch, out on the next. It works from about age four and takes two to three minutes. A round with the square can look like this:

1. Put your finger on the top left corner.
2. Slide slowly to the right while breathing in through the nose.
3. Move down the right side while breathing out through the mouth, a little longer if you can.
4. Keep going until the finger is back at the top left. Two or three rounds are plenty.

Standing up: Calm Wall Tracing is the same idea, only bigger. A sheet hangs on the wall at chest height, and your child traces the shapes with both hands while the breath follows along. Since the arms and upper body are moving, this version suits kids who are having a hard time sitting still.

On the floor: For Statue Poses, you pick a few simple poses together, like tree, star or mountain. Each pose is held for five calm breaths, then you move to the next one. The number five gives a clear frame. Many kids find it easier to hold still when they get to count something.

If you want more, take a look at the calm and feelings activities. One of them is Emotion Charades: one person acts out a feeling without words, the other guesses. It isn't a breathing exercise, but it's an easy way to start talking about anger and nerves without things getting too serious.

Pictures for young children: candle, balloon and flower

Children under five often don't know what to do with “breathe out slowly.” A picture makes it easier. Many families know these from preschool or kids' gym classes:

• Blow out the candle: Hold up one finger like a candle and let your child blow it out. For a harder version, they blow so gently that the flame only flickers and stays lit.
• Balloon belly: Your child puts both hands on their belly. Breathing in, the belly gets round like a balloon. Breathing out, they let the air out very slowly. Lying down, this also works with a stuffed animal riding up and down on the belly.
• Smell the flower: Hold an imaginary flower under your nose and sniff it slowly. Then blow the petals away.
• Soap bubbles: A big bubble only forms when you blow slowly and evenly. Your child figures that out on their own.

Pick one or two pictures and stick with them for a while. Once your child knows a picture, a single sentence can bring it back: “Want to blow out the candle?”

When breathing fits: calming down, bedtime, homework

Many parents look for breathing exercises to calm their child down. It's easiest at transitions, when your child needs to switch from one thing to the next and the excitement hasn't peaked yet.

• After rough play: Move first, then two minutes of shape breathing or a few statues. That gives the end of playtime a clear shape, and you don't have to shout “That's enough now!”
• At bedtime: In bed, balloon belly with a stuffed animal fits well. A few calm breaths can become a regular part of the bedtime routine, like brushing teeth and reading a story. The goal is a quiet end to the day, not a promise of falling asleep.
• Before homework: After school, a snack and some movement, do a short round at the table before the notebook opens.
• Before something exciting: before a doctor's visit, the first swim lesson or the birthday party your child has been waiting for all week.

Keep rounds short. Two to three minutes is almost always enough. A little every day beats one long session a week.

When not to: in the middle of a meltdown

The middle of a tantrum is the worst moment for a breathing exercise. A child who is screaming and kicking can't take in instructions. “Just breathe!” sounds more like blame than help at that point.

The American Academy of Pediatrics advises parents to stay as calm as they can during a tantrum and to let it pass, so they can come back to their child with comfort (AAP, HealthyChildren.org).

For you, that means comfort first, breathing later. Make sure nobody gets hurt, and keep your words few and quiet. You can breathe slowly and audibly yourself without asking anything of your child. Once the wave passes, offer an exercise you already know together. If your child says no, that's fine too.

Why you practice during calm moments

A breathing exercise is like any other game: you need to know it before you need it. A child who has done shape breathing on a few relaxed afternoons knows right away what you mean on a hard evening. Introducing a brand-new game in the middle of a tense moment is tiring for everyone.

What do we know about what happens in the body? A study in the US randomly split 342 elementary school children into two groups. One group watched a one-minute video that guided them through a few slow breaths, the other watched a similar video without breathing. In the breathing group, heart rate dropped during the video and a measure of the calming branch of the nervous system went up (Obradović et al. 2021). The pictures from the video, by the way, show a flower and a candle.

The study only measured what happened in the body during that one minute. It did not look at whether the children played more calmly afterward, slept better or focused better.

For mindfulness programs for children and teens, which often include calm breathing, there is a meta-analysis of 33 studies. It found small effects. When only studies with an active comparison group were counted, just part of those effects remained (Dunning et al. 2019). These programs ran for weeks in groups. They say little about a short breathing round at home.

So breathing exercises are a small tool for family life and a chance for time together. They are not a replacement for therapy, and they don't treat anxiety or ADHD.

Common mistakes with breathing exercises for children

• Too deep and too fast: Some kids happily pump air in and out. But fast, deep breathing can make you feel lightheaded or dizzy (MedlinePlus: Hyperventilation). Put the focus on a long, slow breath out and let the breath in stay normal. If your child feels dizzy, stop and just breathe normally.
• Pressure: A breathing exercise that gets ordered quickly feels like punishment. Offer it, show it, and accept a no.
• Only in a crisis: If you only breathe together when things blow up, your child links the exercise with conflict. Practice on good days too, just for fun.
• Too long: Stop after two or three minutes, while your child is still into it.
• Too much explaining: A picture and a demonstration are enough. No child needs a lecture on the nervous system.

And when you take a slow breath out yourself before reacting to something, it's fine to let your child see it. You can even say out loud what you're doing.

When to get help

The games in this article are meant for everyday family life. They don't replace a diagnosis or treatment. Talk to your pediatrician if any of these apply to your child:

• Tantrums are still very frequent and intense beyond the toddler years, or your child hurts themselves or others during them.
• Your child is often anxious, sleeps poorly for a long stretch or often complains of stomachaches or headaches.
• Restlessness and tension show up at home and at school or child care and weigh on your daily life.
• You're worried, even if you can't quite put it into words.

Your pediatrician can refer you to a specialist if needed. If ADHD is part of the question, CHADD offers information and support for parents. You won't find a self-diagnosis checklist here, on purpose.

Frequently asked questions

Further reading

• Activities for restless kids: burn off energy, then calm down